I saw the light on Sunday.

It’s always good at Panorama Bar/Berghain on Sundays, but this Sunday was something else. You know those stories you hear of hardcore religious fanatics experiencing spiritual awakening in Church? Well I think now I know what they are talking about. Only for me it was with music.

It all started with the words: “I am not going to Panorama Bar this weekend.” I actually made a point of this all week, and announced these plans out loud, to anyone who would listen. Was I trying too hard to conceal the inevitable....?! Perhaps. My reason? I wanted to miss it a bit. The last few weeks have been a bit of a Panorama overdose and it was beginning to loose its special factor a little… So, I thought, logically of course, it would make sense to make a little break. I was doing quite well with all the rational reasoning in my head, until Sunday dawned and the little thrill-seeking voices started their usual mischievous whimpers about not wanting to go home. It didn’t take my fellow party friends long to convince me. Ah, peer pressure. I am amazed at how little will power I have sometimes. Weakling. So, with whatever was left of the voice of reason in my head, I thought, I can just pop in, a few hours won’t hurt, besides, what else am I going to do on a grey Sunday afternoon….?! Yeah, right. Any reasoning you try and make before you go in, well you might as well forget it, or better, leave it at the cloakroom.

Definitely advisable to leave ALL belongings in the cloakroom by the way. This I learned the painful way, after running around in a “close-to-a-mini-heart-attack-state” for about half an hour trying to locate my bag amidst tripping bodies, flashing blue lasers, a sea of broken glass bottles and a couple having sex. (Yes, I know, maybe it was a bit rude to disturb, but they were having sex in the booth exactly behind the spot where I left my bag for “safety keeping” so in my moment of desperation I had no choice but to search the contents of their dark little hole. I think they were too caught up in the act to notice though.) In hindsight, perhaps this temporary state of emergency added to the outburst of euphoria, which followed later, you know the “cannot-appreciate-pleasure-without- pain-theory” -- definitely true.

Anyway, let me get to this awakening. It was one of those special day-night-morning-evening (fuck who cares what time it was, the concept of time completely ceased to exist at this point) moments when the music held complete control. Like a massive maternal octopus, she spread out its tentacles and caught hold of me whole, and wouldn’t let go, no matter how paralyzed my body was. I’ve seen this octopus before, a few months ago at Bar 25 with Axel Bartsch, and then another time at Berghain with Ben Clock. Thank you guys for fuelling my visual imagination with such vivid visions of great sea creatures. Perhaps, it’s because I feel so good, therefore so light, therefore like I’m floating, when the music is so good, that I start to think sea things. Tooon, tooon, TOOOON, TOOOON.

The octopus then turned into a wave -- a massive cotton one, gradually drowning all the bodies in its sound, paralysing, hypnotising, catching them so strong, that they could do nothing but obey. And dance. But it wasn’t conscious dancing at all, the energy was coming from else where, and loads of it, fuelling limbs to move up, down, up down. Endless pulsation, hours passed, but I just couldn’t get enough.

And lets not forget the smiles. People tell me I’m a smiley person. I like to smile, but I considered myself an average smiler, until I came to Deutschland. Its not a very common habit here. People seldom smile, even if you’ve seen them out nearly every weekend for the past 5 months in all sorts of places and all sorts states, still you might only get half a smile, if your lucky. But this Sunday everyone was smiling. We were all connected under the same techno blanket, all present at the same sleepover where our sleep deprived bodies were giving it their all on the dance floor. Mutual pleasure. Seeing the pleasure on other peoples faces and being able to feel at that exact point exactly what they are feeling. Togetherness. This feeling is better than any high really.

And when I thought it cannot possibly get any better, it did. Every tune that followed, penetrated more, deeper, twisting and turning my insides inside out. And then, after all the peaks, came the mother of them all – they played the tune which has been stuck in my head/macbook/ipod on repeat for the last week -- “Blind” by Hercules and The Love Affair. A tune which I prayed for Villalobos to play last Sunday, of course knowing in my right part of the brain that there would be no way he would play this quite dated and extremely poppy track, but in a hopelessly romantic way, still trying to send the brain waves across the crowd. And now, a week later, it is as if my prayers have finally been heard. I could not believe it. They actually read my mind. Finally I knew, God exists.

DJs responsible for the spiritual heights of the night: Dixon (Inversions) and Ame (Inversions). Watch their space.

Techno Ate My Brain. Thank You Mum!

Ever since moving to Techno capital I’ve had a problem with going home.
It seems that here the club always wins. I was quite happy in the UK, the set would finish, the club would close and, of course there were the initial moans of not wanting to leave, but those quickly passed as I knew it was the end. In Berlin it’s a different story.

The clubs here adhere to a different set of rules. There is no specific closing time. The club closes when the last person leaves. It’s potentially infinite. So you have to be quite disciplined and remember to leave at some point. Now this could be quite dangerous for those with a hedonistic streak, those who cannot discipline themselves. But the reasons cannot just be tied down to wanting to stay out. There must be a deeper understanding of this phenomena and its effects on the brain. So what it is about the nature of the clubbing scene here that is so infecting? Lets talk about techno.

I decided to look into this matter after fruitless attempts at googling such phrases as “the influence of techno music on the brain”, “repetition in techno and the brain” etc etc which left me frustrated. Most of the writing tells the same old story; it’s the drugs, drink and smoke, blah blah blah. This doesn’t paint a very good a picture of the clubbing scene. And for gods sake, can we please abandon this “clubs are all about drugs” stereotype. Thousands of people attend clubs, travel continents to go to festivals, dance for hours – the appeal must be more than just substance abuse. Techno is actually a very delicate and intelligent form of music. Do you know anyone who can listen to salsa music for 15 hours and not get bored?* This is what fascinates me about techno. The potential depths its infinite nature offers (Black hole anyone?)

So I’ve been in Berlin for a few months now, and as I said before, I am still struggling with the going home issue. But at Melt festival I had a bit of a revelation (and it did come when the sun was rising, a very appropriate pathetic phallacy my Literature teacher would say. Ok its a bit cheesy but revelations are always beautiful, especially when the sun comes out.). I realised I never want to go home because the music doesn’t let me. Techno is based on repetition. Its constant beat grabs hold and doesn’t let you go. While most music is linear, say a rock song with lyrics or a symphony, ie it has a start, middle and an end, techno tracks are built on another measuring scale. They are building blocks in a potentially never ending set which oscillates, grows, diminishes, breathes, but in theory can go on forever, and ever and ever. That is because repetition is endless. It is a different dimension. Under the influence of techno time ceases to exist, you enter a different reality where there is no start or finish. What dimension it is, I don’t know, but it definitely has a very strong hypnotic power on the brain. Not everyone likes the constant banging of course.

According to my mum, it is highly dangerous for your mental health. “If I listen to it for longer than 10 minutes I’ll go mad.” Hey Mum, did you never think it was you who first infected me with the techno beat? Being in your womb for 9 months and listening to the constant beat of your heart, must have left some sort of techno imprint in my brain.! So those who enjoy it, probably find they have similar problems. It is like a love-hate relationship, which is easy to develop, based on the never satisfying pleasure which techno provides, as you crave more and more and more…

But as with all forms of intelligent music, techno has a very strong healing factor I believe. For me it is my meditation, my exit from reality and thoughts and worries of every day (it is also my gym. Dancing for 10 hours once or twice a week beats any gym goer, I’m sure. Tests should be carried out accordingly. Those interested please get in touch). In the presence of techno, the mind becomes free as the repetitive beat switches something in the brain and puts you into a state of trance. A direct relationship between the beats and the body follows. I love dancing to techno because I do not dance consciously, my body sort of moves by itself, it feels the beat and it feels as it there is no bypass between the music (which enters the ears) and the brain. It’s a direct route from ear to muscle. Nietzche did say that music is the most direct form of art, precisely for this reason. That the brain doesn’t get involved. There is no thoughts, just feelings. Try it, it can be revelationary experience (particularly if you are on 2 hours sleep and have been dancing for about 10 hours and the sun comes out) but don’t forget to go home.

*I do not intend to offend salsa music, or any kind of music in any way. I simply use it as a comparison, between linear and non-linear types of sound. You have to admit, 15 hours of salsa would be a b it of an overdose...